Ralphland

Welcome back to our American Idol series that dares to ask the question- Where are they now? This time, we look at season 2. The first season had started small, but had turned into a phenomenon by the time Kelly Clarkson was crowned America’s Idol. Of course, Fox wanted to capitalize on this success as soon as possible. Due to its initial cold feet, American Idol had been relegated to the summer schedule, where it had been profitable, but not as much as it would have been had it aired during the regular season. FOX wanted to get another season of American Idol out the door as soon as possible and air it during the regular season. It probably would have ridden the Idol phenomenon into the ground had it not been for the stubborn Simon Cowell. Mr. Cowell had more than a passing interest in the show and stood firm in decreeing that he would have nothing to do with American Idol if it were rushed out the door in a slapdash fashion. So FOX came up with its current game plan for the show. Air it just one time per season and have a six month rest between seasons.

So that meant that FOX would get another season of Idol, but America would have to wait until January of 2003 to get its Idol fix. A jittery FOX wasn’t able to figure out what exactly brought viewers in droves to the original season, so pretty much everything from season one moved over to Idol for season two. Everyone signed back up for another go around, everyone that is except for Brian Dunkelman, who made the worst career decision ever by playing hardball and eventually choosing not to return. So while fellow season one host Ryan Seacrest became a household name, Mr. Dunkelman was forced to take bit parts in television procedurals and is currently demeaning himself by appearing on Celebrity Fit Club with other Z-Listers. I guess being a “Dollar Menunaire” isn’t all it is cracked up to be.

Well enough with the mean digs. (There will be more later on, trust me) Season two actually featured a ton of good singers. It could even be argued that only Tamyra Gray and Kelly Clarkson would have even had a chance to compete with this group. Of course, it isn’t too hard to set the bar much lower when we had the likes of Jim Verraros and RJ Helton in the first group. So let’s look back and see who made a record and who is probably just stocking them on the shelves at Best Buy.

But before we start skewering the Idol wannabes, it is worth noting that the best singer from the competition didn’t actually make it to the final 12. Frenchie Davis, who blew the roof of the competition was kicked out after nude pictures of her appeared on the internet. While it was too much for Idol producers to take back then, they’ve since ignored the seamy beginnings of two recent contestants. Of course, we just love Ms. Davis, as we previously pointed out here. Since then she’s also performed on the Phat Girlz soundtrack, which can be purchased here. (If we’re going to link to Julia DeMato’s recording, we might as well include links to the songs of a real singer.) So who’s ready to go back to the Spring of 2003?

Vanessa Olivarez- Spunky, pink haired Vanessa Olivarez was this season’s answer to Nikki McKibbon, a rockin’ chick who actually had a pretty good voice. Unfortunately, she left the show before she really had a chance to shine, a victim of a scripted line in which she snarked off to Ryan Seacrest. (Apparently the Idol audience gets offended at anyone who disses the show’s ambiguous host.) After Idol, Ms. Olivarez came out of the closet as a lesbian and claims that was why she wasn’t asked to perform at the Idols Live concert series. To date, she has recorded a handful of singles that became all the rage in Canada, [Click here to Download them From Amazon.com] joined a band called “Butterfly Stitch” [Download their music from Amazon.com by Clicking Here.] and performed as Tracy Turnblad in the Toronto production of the musical Hairspray.

Charles Grigsby- Charles had a great voice, but fell victim to the notorious The Wiz Curse. After singing a song from that cursed musical, many an Idol contestant has found themselves off the show. Unfortunately for Mr. Grigsby, he sang the song You Can’t Win from that musical, a choice that proved to be prophetic, as Mr. Grigsby then proceeded to get voted out. So, while he probably didn’t deserve to leave so soon, he still was quite forgettable. Following in the footsteps of many a forgettable Idol contestant, however, he did produce an album. [Click Here to buy his CD from CDBaby.]

Julia DeMato- Ms. DeMato was clearly outmatched in this competition. Sure, she had somewhat good looks, but her voice just wasn’t good enough. At this point in the competition she wasn’t the worst singer remaining, but she wasn’t going to win anyway so her departure was no big loss. Needless to say, Ms. DeMato didn’t set the world on fire, but if you’re one of those Idol completists, you can download her one song at this web address.

Corey Clark- Mr. Clark is a textbook example of what can happen when someone is thrust into the spotlight with no way of dealing with it. Arguably talented, Mr. Clark was disqualified after it was revealed that he was arrested for a domestic disturbance involving his sister. Idol producers gave him the opportunity to present his side of the dispute on the air, but still insisted on his early departure. Mr. Clark later ignited a firestorm of controversy when he claimed that he had a sexual relationship with Paula Abdul while promoting an E-Book he had written and a CD that he had recorded. [Buy It Here.] While the controversy was brewing, FOX announced that it would have a full investigation into Mr. Clark’s accusations. Much later, after the controversy had been mostly forgotten, FOX’s investigators released a statement in which they claimed to have not found any evidence of wrongdoing by Ms. Abdul. By that time, nobody cared much and Corey Clark had fallen off of the nation’s radar. Since then, Mr. Clark has fallen afoul of the law several times, and was sued by the Wal-Mart Corporation for allegedly writing bad checks. (That’s even lower than Dunkelman’s appearance on the Celebrity Fit Club.) While Mr. Clark has been little heard from recently, there’s no doubt that he is on his way to earning his very own E! True Hollywood Story.

Rickey Smith- No doubt, the biggest beneficiary of Corey’s departure, Rickey Smith was a mediocre singer who was easily forgettable. This seems to have shaped his career after American Idol, as he does not appear to have done anything in the music business afterwards.

Kimberly Caldwell- There was no doubt about what kept Ms. Caldwell alive in the competition and it certainly wasn’t her voice. Ms. Caldwell was like a hot waitress working at the worst diner in town; she knows she’s serving up lousy meals, but as long as she’s getting paid and tipped, she’s going to shake her assets and drag out the food. Kimberly flirted and danced her way through the competition, but eventually her horny teenage boy constituents weren’t able to keep up their support for her and she left the competition. Since then, Ms. Caldwell has been able to parlay her talents into magazine spreads, TV show hosting gigs and bit parts on television shows. Unfortunately for her, she has not been successful as a singer; even Randy Jackson and Diane Warren weren’t able to produce releasable tracks. Ms. Caldwell hasn’t let that get in her way, however, and appears to be still working on a debut album. You can download a few songs from the unfinished album by visiting her website here.

Carmen Rasmusen – Carmen Rasmusen was a pioneer; she was the first underage Idol contestant who stayed in much longer than she deserved to. Ms. Rasmusen was a yodeler and it is uncertain why she was even picked. Her bizarre interpretations of the songs she sang sounded like they came from a Saturday Night Live “Goat Boy” sketch. She was that bad. Years before Sanjaya Malakar became a household name for staying in the competition well past his expiration date, Carmen Rasmusen was stinking up the place. Eventually, her improbable run came to a close and a weary America figured that nobody so bad would possibly get picked up by the legitimate music business, right? Well, color us surprised to discover that Ms. Rasmusen has not one but two albums. [Buy them here and here if you dare.] Now, we’re not saying that there’s a conspiracy of any kind, but really; Carmen Rasmusen has two albums under her belt and Frenchie Davis has yet to release one? I guess it is true that nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. Stop the insanity!

Trenyce (Lashundra Cobbins) – The former Ms. Cobbins (she changed her name between the auditions and the first round) was not the best looker in the world, and her voice wasn’t the best, but she always seemed to give one hundred percent during her performances. Like Rickey Smith, The Artist Formerly Known as Lashundra Cobbins has been seldom heard from since her American Idol days. (And yet “Goat Girl” gets two albums?)

Joshua Gracin- There was definitely a disturbance in the force this season and the biggest beneficiary was Joshua Gracin. Mr. Gracin began the competition as a pop singer, but then began singing with the fakest southern twang outside of the Dukes of Hazzard. This jarring change caught even Simon Cowell off guard and seemed destined to bury Mr. Gracin for good. However, in a strange twist of fate, the United States invaded Iraq during this season of American Idol and as luck would have it, Mr. Gracin was an active duty Marine. Despite the threat of him getting called back to duty (yeah, right) Mr. Gracin was able to hold on and seemed insurmountable. He wasn’t the most talented contestant; in fact, his vocal training seemed to have come from mimicking Garth Brooks, but he hung on way longer than his expiration date due to some misplaced patriotism. Luckily for American Idol, patriotism can only take a contestant so far. When it became amazingly obvious that Mr. Gracin was completely out of his league, he got his papers and was returned to active duty. In another bizarre turn of events, Mr. Gracin has found an audience and has released two albums with modest success- [Buy them here and here.] FULL DISCLOSURE- Ralphland is a shareholder in the parent company of Mr. Gracin’s music label and despite that fact, we still don’t recommend that you click on those links.

Kimberley Locke- Kimberley Locke was a victim of circumstance. Idol’s hype machine had played up the competition as being between Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard all season long and she found herself left on the sidelines. Stuck on the fringes throughout the season, it was a surprise to see her in the final three. While her eventual ouster was inevitable, Ms. Locke has smartly managed her career. Sure, she did wind up on one season of the aforementioned Celebrity Fit Club, but she has made herself a consistent performer and recording artist, finding herself singing on various Disney album releases and releasing two albums of her own. [Buy them here, here and here.] Ms. Locke has proven that slow and steady does eventually win the race and that past Idols can carefully and successfully plan their careers.

Clay Aiken- Now we get into the controversial part of this column. No Idol contestant has ever amassed a more fervent group of fans than Mr. Aiken. Clay’s crazed followers will defend him to the end of time and still argue that he was “robbed” of the winning title. However, Mr. Aiken’s rabid “Claymates” are detached from reality. While Clay began the season as a lovable geek with an amazing voice, his singing had devolved into a style that could best be described as “Boogie Woogie Broadway”. By the time that Simon Cowell pointed this obvious fact to the audience, Clay had already attracted rabid fans who would vote for him regardless of how he performed. A “controversial” vote resulted in Clay losing to the more talented Ruben Studdard and birthed the most ridiculous conspiracy theories known to man. Clay’s success spawned a series of schmaltzy CDs, including this one, this one, this one and this one. Five years after Idol, we’ve learned more about Clay Aiken than we ever wanted to know; he’s become a prissy stereotype who is either gay, closeted or completely straight, depending on who one asks. (Guess which one the Claymates believe?) Mr. Aiken has been moderately successful, but will probably never scale the heights imagined by his fervent fans. In addition to giving off a creepy vibe, he can’t seem to keep his name out of the gossip rags, two things that will keep him from becoming a massive success. To paraphrase Simon Cowell, this is definitely one thing that America got right.

Ruben Studdard- Ruben was a big old teddy bear with a velvety voice. We can only dream of the final two we should have gotten- Ruben vs. Frenchie. Short of that match up, it was obvious that Ruben was the only possible choice. Unfortunately, the “Claymates” along with the mass media were able to shape the “conventional wisdom” which marred Ruben’s success. While Ruben’s song choices were less commercial than Clay’s, they were definitely more soulful and better reflected Ruben’s strong talents and beliefs. [Buy Ruben's Albums Here, Here and Here.] While Clay’s career has become a bizarro freakshow, Ruben has seemingly stayed more grounded and humble. The future holds so much promise, especially since we’ll finally get the much dreamed about match up between Frenchie and Ruben; they’ll be co-starring in the National Tour of the classic musical Ain’t Misbehavin’ that could be coming to a city near you. Now that’s what I call a very happy beginning.

**Interested in the American Idol Season two CD? Click Here to buy from Amazon.com

Please Note: Ralphland.com is not an affiliate of Amazon.com or any of the other websites linked to in this article. The links are provided for the convenience of our three readers.

Unfortunately, it’s Jordin. It’s too bad; she still would have lost big time to Melinda.

Well, we’ve seen the final performances and unfortunately, the best singer has already left. (Melinda, it should have been you!) Neither Jordin nor Blake really impressed, so since I think American Idol shouldn’t let anyone in who is under 18 (A bias that goes back all the way to Carmen Rasmussen’s underage run in season 2) I’m rooting for Blake to take it all. Besides, Blake’s father already embarrassed himself by crying on national television way back when Blake auditioned, so that should cinch it. Good luck Blake!!

(More coverage tomorrow after the show [Eastern Time] and I promise to finish our “American Idol: Who Made a Record?” feature throughout the summer. Next up: Season Two!!)

Sanjaya has been voted off American Idol. Seeing as how he was the topic of a Ralphland Rambling just yesterday, could this be the start of the “Ralphland Curse”?

The biggest story out of American Idol this year isn’t who is the best singer, but why one of the worst singers keeps getting voted through. Yes, we’re talking about Sanjaya, the poor guy who is completely out of his element. Apparently forgetting that this is a singing competition, America keeps placing enough votes to keep Sanjaya in the running. Unprecedented, huh? Not really. Every season of Idol has produced one singer who stays in the game well past his or her expiration date. Let’s take a look back, if only to remind ourselves that history is merely repeating itself…

Season One: Everyone can be forgiven for forgetting the young woman who started it all- Nikki McKibbon. Nikki holds the honor of being the first person who kept getting voted through despite all evidence showing that she was less talented than those who left the competition each week. Now, Ms. McKibbon wasn’t the worst singer, but she proved to only be adept at singing rock infused music. Give her a Janis Joplin song and she could belt with the best of them. Any other week and she was easily outmatched by just about everyone. Despite this severe handicap of hers, she ended up in the top three, outlasting the enormously talented Tamyra Grey. Luckily for the Idol franchise, Ms. McKibbon was finally sent home and Kelly Clarkson was crowned the first American Idol. Perhaps the show wouldn’t have been the massive hit it became if its first idol were as unimpressive as Ms. McKibbon.

Season Two: Think Ms. McKibbon’s third place finish (despite a lack of talent) was merely a one time fluke? Think again. In season two, America was subjected to the song stylings of “goat girl”, the forgettable Carmen Rasmussen. Ms. Rasmussen was an underachiever compared to Nikki, only making it to the sixth round, but even that was way too long. Referred to as “goat girl” because of her bizarre vibrato in which she sounded like she was yodeling, Carmen’s singing was painful to listen to. While she wasn’t the first person who stayed in too long, she was the first minor aged Idol finalist who overstayed her welcome, a terrible trend that would occur too many times in the future.

Season Three: We only needed to wait one year before we got another minor who stayed too long in the competition- John Stevens. Mr. Stevens proved to be an excellent Sinatra impersonator, but proved that he couldn’t hack it when it came to singing just about anything else. John was able to parlay his tween and teen constituency to sixth place, even beating the future Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson. There was a large uproar when he kept getting passed through and after Ms. Hudson’s premature departure it reached a loud crescendo. Perhaps because of this, even Mr. Stevens’ loyal fans couldn’t save him; he was finally voted out the next week.

Season Four: Scott Savol wasn’t like the typical holdover. He wasn’t a minor and didn’t have the typical “Idol” look. We’re not saying that someone without the typical Idol look shouldn’t do well in the competition, but he or she should at least be able to sing well. Scott may not have been the worst singer, but he certainly didn’t deserve his fifth place finish. His popularity was and still is a mystery to most viewers and the same folks who credit themselves with Sanjaya’s continued success took credit for Scott’s too long run. Check out their website at http://www.votefortheworst.com.

Season Five: It is hard not to realize why Kellie Pickler lasted as long as she did; what she lacked in singing ability was made up in her looks- and she played them to the hilt. Acting like a latter day Jessica Simpson, she bumbled through week after week while her huge fan base of teenage boys voted her through each round. Unfortunately for Ms. Pickler, she ended up getting voted off and placing sixth in the competition; a better showing than she deserved.

So what about Sanjaya? While he’s not really treading new ground, the attention paid to his run seems unprecedented. By the time you read this, he might have already sung his swan song, but then again, he could prove to be unstoppable. Will American Idol be ruined if his run continues? Probably not; while a Nikki McKibbon win in the first season would have ruined everything, the show has become enough of a phenomenon to brush off a win from “the worst”. However, if it happens next season, all bets are off.

The biggest mystery about the American Idol television show isn’t who is getting voted out on any particular week, but who will leave the show (winner or not) and emerge with a recording contract that results in an actual CD being produced.

Some might assume that only the top two (or so) would get deals, but sometimes, even the last place finisher released something. Perhaps record company execs figure that anyone who gets exposed to millions of viewers is bound to sell more than a few CDs. Over the next few weeks, we’ll take a look back at who was able to take advantage of their time in the Idol spotlight. (And whose voices are probably only heard over a McDonald’s speaker.)

First, let’s take a look at season one. Remember the good old days, way back in the Summer of 2002? American Idol was untested and had been rejected by every network. FOX didn’t even really want to air it, but the company chairman “convinced” the FOX executives to pick up the show at the insistence of his daughter. It was dumped onto the summer schedule because nobody wanted to be embarrassed if it failed. With this less than stellar treatment, the auditions came and went with little fanfare and the contestant pool showed this. Other than Kelly Clarkson and Tamyra Gray, there’s little doubt that nobody in the top ten of season one would have made it that far in any subsequent year.

So one would assume that none of them went on to make a CD, right? Actually, you’d be wrong. In the order of when they got voted off the show:

Jim Verraros- Jim was one of the first two contestants voted off and he deserved it. He was clearly out of his league and the performance that got him booted from the show could best be described as horrific. Of course, this means that he got a recording contract and has released a CD entitled Rollercoaster. From the sound clips available, it seems that his CD is more of a “Dance/Techno” type of recording, which means that his singing is probably not too crucial to the sound of the album. (Not a bad choice…) For those of you who can’t control your curiosity, here’s a link to his album: Rollercoaster

EJay Day- EJay only made it into the top ten because another contestant had lied about his age. (The scene where this other contestant is confronted about his lie is a classic moment in American Idol history.) EJay came from a job singing at “Six Flags over Tulsa” in a show called “Hooray for Everything”, (Well, not exactly, but that’s not too far from the truth…) and made little impact on the proceedings. Along with Jim, he was voted off on the first “Top Ten” episode. Unfortunately for him, EJay hasn’t made a splash and (as of yet) has never recorded a CD. (Although he did co-write a song for “Tween-y Bopper” Raven-Symone.)

AJ Gill- AJ Gill only lasted one week, but probably would have gone the week before if the similarly named “EJay” hadn’t been brought into the competition at the last minute. Consequently, AJ has yet to record anything and appears to have fallen off the face of the earth.

Ryan Starr- Ms. Starr changed her name between the preliminary rounds and this one and tried to be some sort of Punk/Madonna/rocker. Other than getting the votes of horny teenage guys, she didn’t make much of an impression on the judges or America. So what has she recorded? Nothing, but she claims this is because of her “dissatisfaction” with her various record contracts. She did, however, release a single on Apple’s iTunes. Ms. Starr’s other endeavors include starring on Vh1’s “Surreal Life” and playing a victim on CSI. She was born to play the role she had on CSI; other than lying on the ground, dead, she only has to “act” in the CSI flashbacks where the techs imagine how she might have died.

Christina Christian- Nothing. In fact, Ms. Christian appears to have fallen off of the face of the earth. Did I mention she’s recorded nothing?

RJ Helton- RJ Helton’s claim to fame was that he was adopted and his adoptive parents were very proud of him. Other than that, he probably lasted longer than he should have. (Certainly Ms. Christian, who has recorded nothing, deserved to stay in longer than Mr. Helton.) Being one of the more mediocre singers this season produced, this of course means that Mr. Helton recorded a CD. Granted, it was an “inspirational” CD, meant more for Bible Camp, but at least it was a CD. A cynical person might suspect that Mr. Helton realized he wouldn’t cut it in the world of pop, so he hedged his bets by making a CD that religious parents would foist upon their kids, but we’re not that cynical… are we? In any case, Mr. Helton recently made a splash by coming out of the closet and declaring that he was gay. Not the greatest tactic for a best selling Christian musical artist, so maybe he isn’t as deceptive as we inferred earlier. In case you wanted to listen to music from a gay Christian artist, we provide this link- Real Life

Tamyra Gray- Tamyra was one of the best singers who came out of the first season. In fact, it could be argued that she and Kelly Clarkson were the only really good singers this season. Unfortunately for Tamyra, she actually left the competition before the much weaker Nikki McKibbin. This shortsighted vote left America with the weaker Justin/Kelly matchup and the even worse From Justin to Kelly. We were also left with thoughts of what might have been. Tamyra’s road to a CD release was bumpy, with constant delays. Rumors of a dream collaboration between Tamyra and Ruben Studdard proved to be just that- rumors. Unfortunately, the CD she did produce was a lackluster effort with lackluster sales and we’re faced with the prospect of a second Jim Verraros CD, but just one Tamyra Gray CD. Still interested in hearing it? Here’s your link to Tamyra’s CD- The Dreamer

Nikki McKibbin- Nikki was the luckiest Idol contestant. While Ms. McKibbin proved to be a rockin’ singer, she was a failure at just about everything else she sang. Some folks at the time pegged her popularity to teenage guys, voting on her looks rather than her talent, others thought people felt sorry for her because of her son, who she trotted out at every opportunity. (Which might have explained her losing the support of the teenage guys.) In any case, Nikki finally became Idol history a week too late and seemed unable to take advantage of her popularity. At some point, a ‘Where are they now?’ segment on American Idol showed her running a karaoke business in which she rented karaoke equipment out for parties and started the “fun” off by singing herself. Apparently she released a CD single once upon a time and has a new CD that will be released soon. Here’s a link to her new CD- Nikki McKibbin.

Justin Guarini- Those who had underestimated Kelly Clarkson thought that the first American Idol would be none other than “Sideshow Bob” himself Justin Guarini. However, this early front runner lost steam not long after a petty squabble he had with the judges when they turned on him. This immediately resulted in him getting placed at the bottom, though he managed to squeak by. By the time of the final showdown, it really wasn’t a close call; Kelly was really the only possible choice. It was all downhill from there. After the forgettable feature length film From Justin to Kelly, Mr. Guarini released his CD to an almost universal yawn. Chastened by the failure, he changed his reputation to become “hard core” and hit the Entertainment TV circuit to blame everyone. Apparently, the failure of his CD was the fault of FOX, Simon Cowell, RCA Records, Brian Dunkleman and anyone else he could think of. Unfortunately for him, none of this led to the resurgence he was looking for and he remains a footnote in the history of American Idol. Want to hear Justin’s only CD? Here’s the link:
Justin Guarini

Kelly Clarkson- In retrospect, if America was truly interested in crowning the best singer in the contest, there was no doubt that Kelly would win. Perhaps American Idol would have never become the massive phenomenon it became had its first winner been a terrible choice. Luckily for herself and the American Idol franchise, Kelly was a phenomenal choice who deserved everything she’s achieved. While it isn’t too hard to figure out where to get her hugely successful CDs, if we linked to RJ Helton, we should definitely link to Kelly: Breakaway and Thankful.

And for those who want to relive the memories of the first season- The First Season’s CD.

Birmingham, Alabama- The home of two prior American Idols is finally visited by the judges. Things actually went well; there were numerous surprises, like the guy who looked like Jack Osborne and could actually sing. (He also had a sense of humor, something we appreciate here at Ralphland.)

Even the montage was better in this one; instead of looping together bad singing, they looped together footage of people getting totally dissed by Simon and Randy being polite and thanking them for their time. (Southern Hospitality?) While there were some bad singers, nobody really stood out as being all that bad; but they saved the best for last! (Or is it worst for last?) They ended with a woman named Brandy, who sang “Like a Virgin” and trust me, nobody would ever believe that. She even hilariously blamed the floor for her bad singing.

Apparently, a “technical glitch” resulted in Paula Abdul missing the second day of auditions. (Unlike when Simon was late last week, nobody made light of her absence.)

Next Up: LA!

New York- if you can’t make it there, you can’t make it- well, to Hollywood. And there were a lot of people who couldn’t make it! Carol Bayer-Sayer sat in as a guest judge and was remarkably honest with the contestants. (Most judges aren’t.) When a freak contestant came in to waste their time, she expressed her dismay. And there were quite a few people who were wasting the time of the judges; from the person who admitted that she couldn’t sing (talk about not really understanding the goal of the show) to the guy who came in dressed as a spaceman.

The highlights were the friends who wanted to sing a duet, but sang separately instead (they both make it to Hollywood) and the guy who was adopted. In addition to seeing the warm relationship the young man had with his adoptive mother, he was an amazing singer who we will hopefully be seeing more of.

Then there was the guy who got to Hollywood last time and completely blew it. I was hoping that the judges would pass on him, since he obviously screwed up last year, but he was put through to the next round.

Now some observations-

Why is it that people are overly sensitive about the comments from the judges this year? Rosie O’Donnell is lending credence to Donald Trump’s unflattering comments about her by getting up on her high horse and complaining. It’s bad enough that we have to contend with the over exposed Peyton Manning and his Svengali father, but now that guy with the bizarre eyes and his large friend are being trotted out everywhere. Give it a rest please! Neither of them sang well and it doesn’t matter that one of them sang for the Special Olympics; everyone gets treated the same on the show- good singers get praised and bad singers get criticized. That’s the way it has always been.

And finally, there’s one question that has never been answered; remember back to season one when a guy dressed like a sorcerer auditioned? (He was referred to as “Harry Potter” by many fans of the show.) In any case, a clip of him walking out to audition was shown several times during the run of the show, but they never actually showed him singing. What did he sound like? What song did he sing? We’ll probably never know. My guess is that either he sang something they didn’t want to buy the rights for or wasn’t bad or good enough to merit being shown singing. (But who would resist showing a guy dressed as a wizard?)

Well, after seeing the previews last week for Memphis, I would have expected better singers. Instead, we saw a bizarre Memphis trend- people who couldn’t sing intelligibly. Several contestants could barely be understood when speaking normally and understanding them was hopeless while they sang.

However, there were several bright spots- I think Memphis has a good shot at being represented in the final 12. Sundance, the backup singer lady and that guy who looked like Fidel Castro were definitely talented and should go far in the competition. (Though that Castro guy needs to get a stylist immediately….)

The cruelest moment was when they told the singer that her voice was great but she was too much like everyone else to be considered. While I agreed with their assessment, I think it would have been easier for her to take being told that she wasn’t any good. And a quick note- we here at Ralphland do not think that the judges have been crueler this year. In fact, I think there have been situations in which they were too nice. Criticizing the judges and especially Simon Cowell is so 2002. If these contestants and viewers haven’t figured out that this is how the preliminary rounds work, I’m sure the CW would love to have you watch 7th Heaven instead. (Somebody has to…)

In fact, I was a bit miffed that a spot was reserved for the guy who ditched his daughter’s birth to audition for American Idol. It was obvious that Randy and Paula were influenced by his story, because we agreed with Simon- this guy sounds horrible when he starts singing. Hopefully, he’ll get cut after the Hollywood round, so the voters won’t have a chance to show pity for him and keep voting him through.

Next up- New York! Sounds like it could get worse than Seattle…

Welcome to back to Ralphland’s Idol Watch… where we highlight random things from American Idol….

Seattle- Where apparently it rains constantly. About the only people we felt sorry for this time were the judges. Between the mother and daughter “Bad Hair Day” team (they both looked like they had spent too much time with a hair crimper) and the scary bug eyed guy, the three judges were subjected to a lot of lousy singers. Simon Cowell may be considered mean, but he’s really just telling these people what we’re all thinking.
While Seattle turned out to be mostly a wash, any town that features a heavily accented blonde with a big nose singing “Doncha wish your girlfriend was hot like me”, and a psychotic Taylor Hicks wannabe (Aim high there, fella) can’t be all that bad.
Idol Watch’s Simon Cowell Quote of the Week(tm)-

“You look like one of those creatures who live in the jungle with those massive eyes.”

Next Week- It sounds like Memphis has talent!!