It was only a matter of time, but finally alleged comedian Dane Cook has taken his rightful place here in Ralphland as the subject of our infamous “How Do They Rate?” feature.
This category was tailor-made for the unfunny douchebag Dane Cook. Mr. Cook has appeared in six consecutive box office bombs, including forgettable trash like Waiting, London, Employee of the Month, Mr. Brooks and Good Luck Chuck, the majority of which he was the “star” of and all of which failed miserably at the box office. Even though it seems that putting Dane Cook in a movie is the Hollywood equivalent of simply throwing money away, he still keeps getting every opportunity to fail miserably. (Some of us would love the chance to just get one shot at failing.)
So what’s the deal here? It seems that Mr. Cook has a fervent fan base that he has cultivated over the internet. Hollywood would love to tap into this fanbase, but seems incapable of doing it in a way that pleases Mr. Cook’s fans. From what we’ve seen of Mr. Cook’s stand-up act, he isn’t very funny and seems quite guilty of douchebaggery, but his lack of box office attraction can’t be laid solely at his feet. In order to make him more acceptable to the general public, Hollywood insists on making the sort of films that Dane Cook’s fans don’t want to watch.
Of course, Mr. Cook could avoid this scrutiny by just rejecting the trash he’s getting offered, but he seems to have one rule for accepting roles- if the check clears, he’ll do it. And while we can definitely trash the end result of his quest to accept any and every project that seemingly comes his way, who wouldn’t do the same in his shoes? If Hollywood is stupid enough to keep paying him big bucks to star in money losing films, who is he to refuse?
I’d like to get something out of the way first thing- I actually like Bonnie Hunt. I find her interesting sense of humor to be a breath of fresh air and think that her last show was prematurely cancelled by ABC.
That said, is there anyone currently working in Hollywood who has had as many chances as Bonnie despite her seeming inability to attract a mainstream audience on network television? Reading the list of television shows she has starred in is like reading a Hollywood obituary page. Since 1990, Ms. Hunt has starred in five television shows that have been quickly cancelled- “Grand”, “Davis Rules”, “The Building”, “The Bonnie Hunt Show” and the previously mentioned “Life With Bonnie”. She currently has a pilot commitment from ABC for a new show that is currently untitled. How does this woman do it? While most of us have a problem getting scripts read, much less produced, Bonnie Hunt took an 0-2 record at the networks and was given the opportunity to produce three television shows! (As far as I can tell, she only starred in the first two shows.) Of those three shows, the longest running was “Life with Bonnie”, which only lasted two seasons.
Again, I’ll admit that I find her to be quite funny and I think she’s probably a very nice person, but it is still amazing to see how many chances she’s gotten. Hopefully she will one day find the success that has so far eluded her. (And then maybe Hollywood will begin looking for someone else to give so many chances to…. I have a suggestion.)
The road to fame in Hollywood is paved with miserable failure. Most aspiring performers never get even one chance to show the world their talent. Of those that do, most get just one chance in the spotlight. If successful, they become the closest thing to royalty the United States has. If they fail, they’ll be lucky to get work as a tour guide on the Universal Studios tour. Then there are the people who inexplicably get chance after chance to prove themselves and never seem to quite catch on. Despite getting a big yawn from America on every project they work on, these people keep getting new projects. In this new Ralphland Ramblings feature, we look at the people who Hollywood just can’t seem to say no to. First up; The Mommies!
In Hollywood, it seems that some people get all of the breaks. As an example, for every twenty stars who crash and burn, never to be seen again, there are a handful who get another chance. And another chance. And still yet another chance. Why? Two people who seem to have a thousand lives are “The Mommies”. First, they were given an NBC sitcom spun off from their live act in which they were the center of the show. It bombed. Instead of casting them off, NBC gave the show a second chance, this time focusing on a neighbor. (They stayed on the periphery, meddling in his life.) This too bombed. Then ABC decided to give them the morning talk show time slot for their own talk show. (This was before Barbara Walters’ The View) Again, it bombed. After all of these failures, one would think that The Mommies would have retreated back to their suburban neighborhood, but instead they now do commercials for home products and an infomercial for some sort of cookware. Now why did these women get numerous chances while folks like Yahoo Serious got tossed to the side? (Not that Mr. Serious didn’t deserve to get tossed to the side by Hollywood, but that’s a different story.) Perhaps we’ll find out when E! True Hollywood Stories profiles “The Mommies: Why?”
